Harry Potter goes to RuneScape
by Scrap Cookies
Summary: Harry Potter goes to RuneScape to try to take over the magical world, but first he must be head wizard.


Harry Potter in Runescape

**R**unescape was an entirely different world to Hogwarts. I arrived through teleportation and I stood before a fine castle. The castle looked nothing like Hogwarts. It was a dappled gray and was very small. The courtyard was filled with people of all sorts, many begging for a girlfriend or a boyfriend and other begging for some "gp."

"Noob," said a person following me. He was a combat level of 4. I asked him, "Will you take me to the wizards? For I am, as you can probably tell, Harry fucking Potter." The person laughed and pointed at me. He spoke again, this time I saw yellow words floating above his head, "_Hairy Plotter _more like! You haven't got anything on your forehead except for your ugly mono-brow!" Somewhat insulted, I walked past him and found a young man with black robes and a black wizardly hat.

"Where is location: Wizard's Tower?" I questioned him using Quick Chat, "I am Harry fucking Potter – half wizard, half Voldermort. I demand to be escorted to the wizard's tower." He began following me and replied, "Yes, I would like to go to the Wizard's Tower too. Take me there!" I tried very hard to explain that I did not know how to get there. Soon, more people began following us and we formed a long train. Towards the back of this muggle train, someone shouted in a red, shaky text, "omg de noob is dropping 1 mil!" This sounded very much like a cue for me to escape from this mess. I took out a broomstick and choose to "operate broomstick" but only ended up sweeping the floors of the castle's courtyard.

Well that's just fucking great. My broomstick doesn't work and I don't have a wand on me. I ran, but the people seemed to be stuck onto me like a magnetic force. I ran across the bridge, whereupon I found a goblin territory. Fearful of the crowd and goblins, I did the one spell I knew that did not require my wand (wherever it had gone) – Lumbridge teleport.

The muggle train appeared to have known very well what I was doing and all repeated my current spell. We all ended up in the castle – which, by the way, has a strangely remarkable spell to make everyone move and talk in slow motion. Apparently this spell is called "Laaaaaagg." I demanded of the crowd, "You want my "1 mil" don't you? Well, take me to the Wizard's Tower, and it shall be all yours. I'm fucking loaded."

With great joy, the crowd proceeded to escort me to the wizard's tower where I met Sedridor, the head wizard in the basement. "I am The Almighty; The One Who Defied Voldermort; The Boy Who Lived; The Boy Who Made His Aunt Turn Into A Massive Chode-Balloon; The One Who Put Dudley Into A Snake Tank; The Harry Fucking Potter! I demand to be Head Wizard," I told Sedridor. He simply shrugged and said, "Well, boy, you haven't a staff and you haven't any runes. Your magic level must be very low, son."

"Then I will get me my staff, whatever that is, and I will get me my 'runes,'" I spoke back. We left the tower, and as we crossed the bridge, someone began whining about the '1 mil' I promised. I needed cash to acquire some runes and staff anyways, so we went to the bank. The bank was the most atrocious thing I have ever seen. The whole building was run by muggles. Muggles, I tell you! We suddenly need a stupid bank 'pin number' just to get what we need. What happened to using keys? Either way, I got into my bank only to find that I had all of 25 gold coins in there. Unsure of what happened to my money or how I had 25 coins left, I began to worry about what I promised the muggles.

It was then, when I heard a mighty clash. An old man came in and killed the bankers and muggles. He picked up a party hat. Then, he saw me. I took the money from people's banking accounts and he did the same. "Harry Potter," he whispered, recognizing me, "Boy, you've gotten fat. I am the Wise Old Man. You and I will make a great team."

He taught me what runes were and how staffs were used. You do not say strange Latin poem excerpts while waving your staff around to cast spells, you simply 'auto-cast' them. Runes were like the ingredients to your equipment. Apparently, you use the same spell over and over again, shooting out balls of water, fire, or earth. Occasionally, you can cast spells to make your opponent a little pants-on-head-crazy or simply to stop them from moving around for a bit.

As I became stronger, I began to notice a woman sitting outside of our house. She was spying on us. A guard sits on a branch of a tree to spy on us too. Pathetic slugs. Dare they defy the Wizard Potter and his old rotting wise man? "Uh, geezer, exactly who the fuck are those people outside?" I demanded to know, as I stomped my way downstairs. He poked his nose outside and quickly came in and shut the doors. "Potter, my boy. They must be spying on you – the greatest motherfucking wizard of all! You must hide under the bed!" he told me. I hid under the bed. Occasionally, his visitors may kick it.

I suddenly remembered Sedridor and the way he looked down upon me. I told the old fart of my wonderful idea to ruin the tower and steal from them. He nodded and pointed his telescope towards the direction. Then, we sat down and began our master plan.


End file.
